Who I was when I began this blog is not who I am today. Over the past year I have transformed into someone I never knew existed or would have believed existed. The transformation that has taken over my life is indescribable. I thank God daily for my struggles and my triumphs, because all of it has created this cosmic energy of compassion and love. I do not do any of this for others, but for a greater purpose that I am only beginning to understand.
I have been through some very high highs and some very low lows. I have been blessed to be able to process and absorb so many lessons, because I am not ashamed of my circumstances or hiding behind who people think I am or who they want me to be. I convey my shortcomings and downfalls with very little to buffer the reality. I am a constant work in progress and I hope that people are bold enough to love me for me and foster my growth through this process. I love me so much that no external dislike towards me or my journey can fill any space in my life. There is no room for negativity.
I am not where I want to be, but I have a vision. I move with a purpose, for a purpose, and on purpose. I have spent this Lenten season focused on my energy and understanding the process of attracting what I want and need in life. I am careful about who I allow in my presence, because it is important to maintain a certain level of energy in the work I do daily. Keep watching because I will not stop until I have completed my assignments.
Be Excellent.Be you. Do you. Tell you own story. On your own terms.
When you are not settled and going through so many changes, it is hard to focus and blog. I have started so many blog posts and had so many ideas, but I can’t find my flow or the rights words to finish them. My best blogs have popped up in my head and flew off of my fingers, so I am slow to post ones that take a lot of energy to complete. I am in a transitory period and I am not in touch with my balanced and centered self. My heart is South Carolina with grandma and my soul is in Maryland holding down the fort. The most important pieces of me are not close and that leaves me feeling very imbalanced.
This adjustment period was necessary and would have been so much harder with my son. I needed the time and energy to make good decisions and to find a rhythm. My son won’t be coming into chaos but a mom who is settled in at work, settled into a new apartment, and has set up his new educational experience at a center close to our house. I hate that I cannot see my little boy and I miss him terribly, but these past few months have shown me how much he needs consistency.
I want to blog when my heart is totally in it and I can relay the message that I know is needed. I do not have a quota to fill so I am going to focus on quality and not quantity. When something hits me and I can put out a few hundred words I will, but bear with me until I get the pieces of me back together! I am learning so much about myself and my purpose and I cannot wait to share the lessons that have been revealed to me over this rough summer, after making a huge move, and after seeing my failing bar results. I have grown more in the past month than I have in the past year! 2014 has been rough but I will not let any of it be in vain.
Do not force your greatness. Do not pre-release your wisdom. Let your lessons be a natural light. Be you. Do you. Tell your own story. On your own terms.
At every major stage or milestone of my son’s life, I always call another parent who has just experienced this stage or a parent who has experienced it multiple times with their own children, to hear their thoughts on how I should proceed. I go in expecting to get very sound advice, specific steps on how to get through this stage alive and advice on alternative methods. Generally, I find that my expectations of myself and my son are too high. The reality of what is to come is something that cannot be pinpointed to any particular plan that will make the next few weeks or months easier or perfect.
I asked my friend about potty training and she advised me that children will do anything for one M&M. That put my entire experience and expectation into perspective. Potty training is not easy, or a science and different for all children. I realized that I just have to find what will push my son to go to the bathroom consistently and eventually he will form a habit that will become his norm.
The more I talk to other parents about their experiences, I realize I have to just relax. Children are very smart, but they have not figured out every little thing just yet. Duh. It takes time to get them to fully comprehend things that we assume we learned easily. Everyone is looking for the answer to questions that have no answers to them. What works for one family, may not work for you because the dynamics in your household is different, or your schedule is different or your child is just on their own timeline.
I see a friend’s daughter who articulates so well and suddenly it is my mission to get my child to articulate well. Someone tells me that their child was potty trained at 18 months and suddenly I am on a mission to get my son potty trained before his 2nd birthday. I hear of a child who has learned 4 languages by four and suddenly my son needs to be put in an intense class to make sure he has another language on his baby resume. There are specific skills that your child needs to acquire to ensure that they are hitting their milestones & that they are ready for the next stage in their life, but much of that comes with time, patience & allowing them to evolve naturally.
All of these anxieties come with trying to raise the “perfect child.” We want our son to experience everything that we did not and give him opportunities we wished we had growing up. In the haste to make his life experience greater than ours, we have to make sure that we are letting our child be perfect in his own right. Everyone thinks that their child is perfect because they are. They are all special in their own right and it is the little things that make you smile that makes them perfect. That is why this little gift was sent to you. Not for you to control their every move but for you to watch the beauty of life evolve through their eyes. Their perspective on life and things are so different and the hope that they inspire for a better tomorrow is what we all need to survive some of our hardest days.
My child is already perfect. The person who needs to work on becoming a more perfect person is me. Be you. Do you. Tell your own story. On your own terms.