I spent the last hour and a half having a dynamic conversation with some amazing women! We let our guard down and discussed the inner workings of a marriage and how we are dealing or have dealt with various issues in different stages of our relationship. It was powerful to hear things about each other that we did not know. It was powerful to hear how so much of our life has intersected at various points when we really didn’t even realize it. We were vulnerable and we helped ourselves through our words and helped each other. We went longer than I expected, but every moment was time well spent! Take a few moments to listen to various parts and share any feedback you may have! Marriage works, but it takes work.
People used to have to tell me that I acted inappropriately or ugly when I used to blow up and go off on people. Many times with reason, but wrong nonetheless. Even though I still cut up, not as often of course, I immediately know that I lost control. The ability to self-reflect has come with age, experience, and accepting that one of my flaws is my temper.
Much of my anger came from many of the issues I dealt with growing up and feeling so out of control. Once I got professional help to process those issues, I was able to grow as a person and learn how to control my emotions. I would react negatively in a situation and immediately reflect on how I could have handled the situation better.
This process has made me understand my triggers and be honest with myself about myself. Many of us live in a state of denial of who we are and how our habits, attitudes, and outlook control our progress. We want to lose weight, but refuse to admit that we eat too much. We want to be prosperous even though we brunch too much and save less. We want to be in healthy relationships, but haven’t dealt with pass issues that are barriers to being a whole person. I have or am guilty of many of these things myself.
You have to see the worst in you just as much as you see the best in you. Your ability to self-reflect accelerates your progress. Everything is a learning process, but you shouldn’t have to learn the same lessons over and over. Life is so much like school. You learn the lesson, you take a test, you pass or fail. If you pass, you move on to the next level. If you fail, you go through the lesson again until you get it.
Self-reflect. Be introspective. Look at yourself in the mirror. Be you. Do you. Tell your own story. On your own terms.
At the beginning of this year I started a campaign entitled 12 Goals. The purpose was to simply inspire myself and those around me to think of at least one goal a month that would help them get to their long-term goals. I have a hard time following up on the goals that I create in the new year because I write them down in my new journal, on a fresh page and tuck them away. But now I am on a 30/31 day deadline; I am forced to constantly reevaluate my goals and check back in more frequently. I have used each month to create micro goals that will lead me to my macro goals.
So today I decided to check in with myself. See where I was at the mid-way point. From a broader perspective, this year has been extremely productive but focusing on the past few months, I realized that I allowed myself to fall back on old habits. I started to focus on my long-term goals instead of the goals that I needed to achieve to make meaningful steps instead of struggle leaps. The hectic time of graduation and transitioning into Bar Prep mode created the perfect excuse for me to neglect what has helped me be successful thus far.
So today I decided to gather my thoughts, take a walk in the warmth of a beautiful day and figure out my primary goals. For me, nothing matters but passing the bar. For the next two months my daily focus will be reviewing information, translating this information into essay format and answer weirdly worded questions. That is the only thing that matters, so that is my goal for the next two months.
Having one goal that you work on for a few months is better than having many that you never achieve. The most important thing is not the number of goals you cross off the list, but the fact that you are navigating through life with a purpose and constantly focused on the big picture.
Take a moment and analyze your successes and any regrets. Things you may have put off that could have actually been done. Whether you have achieved the things you set out to accomplish or made a bed of excuses to lay in and complain about. Decide today what you need to do to get to the next big step! In December you should feel accomplished at all the little steps forward you made and maybe even those that lead to confident leaps.
Reassess. Reorganize. Refocus. Be you. Do you. Tell your own story. On your own terms.