The Misconception of Womanhood

Over the past few weeks I have met some amazing women who are doing spectacular things.  The further I go in life, the more excited I am to be around successful women who are living out their dreams and creating their own lanes.  Society has focused on the conversation “Can Women Have It All?,” while women are out there having it all and some.  I have rarely walked into a room full of powerful women who were ever complaining about not having it all.

Yesterday I had the deepest revelation of my role in my marriage.  Despite the fact that I feel like I do so much, I realize I am able to do it and still enjoy everything in life.  I am able to balance motherhood, being a wife, cooking, cleaning, handling our finances, thinking for the future, all of my personal endeavors, and a few fun activities every now and then and never miss a beat.  Instead of resenting my ability to juggle it all, I am accepting my power and taking pride in who I am.

I have come to accept that who I am as a woman is not a burden or a strain, but how I was designed.  One of the faults with societal pressure is that all women are forced to feel that their lot in life is to do certain things, but in reality everyone was not created that way.  I applaud and admire any woman who decides not to be a mother, to not get married, or to live life outside the box of social norms.  That is their choice and they took control of their narrative instead of walking down an assumed path.  That does not make them less of a woman than me.  We are both as powerful individually and even more powerful together.

I am releasing the pressure to live within a box or to see the women around me as different because of the choices they have made.  Motherhood is amazing, but so was life prior to motherhood.  Being married is amazing, but so was the summer when I moved back to DC single and free.  We lived that summer honey. Juggling life is amazing, but so are quiet moments in the bed doing nothing.  No one writes the agenda for women, we are writing our own and taking pride in our decisions.

Women have been marginalized in so many areas of life, but as we break through barriers, glass ceilings, and kick down doors, everyone is starting to realize we always belonged in the room in the first place.  We are no longer asking for a seat at the table as a minority, but creating our own circles of power with women of like minds and spirits.  We have our own table. You can’t sit with us.  We are reclaiming our power and doing whatever we want.  There are no limits to who we are as women.  We were not made in a shadow, but in an image of greatness, excellence, and power.

I am who I am because I rejected the guilt of not being someone I was never designed to be.  I am where I am because I love myself for who I am.  I am going to another level because I am working with women who are fearless, flawless, and fierce.  We are woman, hear us roar.  This growth and connection is so natural.  We are not taking over, but stepping into our rightful places.

We are the history makers of tomorrow. Let’s make history. Be you.  Do you.  Tell your own story.  On your own terms.

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My Life Your Entertainment

Who I was when I began this blog is not who I am today.  Over the past year I have transformed into someone I never knew existed or would have believed existed.  The transformation that has taken over my life is indescribable.  I thank God daily for my struggles and my triumphs, because all of it has created this cosmic energy of compassion and love. I do not do any of this for others, but for a greater purpose that I am only beginning to understand.

I have been through some very high highs and some very low lows.  I have been blessed to be able to process and absorb so many lessons, because I am not ashamed of my circumstances or hiding behind who people think I am or who they want me to be.  I convey my shortcomings and downfalls with very little to buffer the reality. I am a constant work in progress and I hope that people are bold enough to love me for me and foster my growth through this process.  I love me so much that no external dislike towards me or my journey can fill any space in my life.  There is no room for negativity.

I am not where I want to be, but I have a vision.  I move with a purpose, for a purpose, and on purpose.  I have spent this Lenten season focused on my energy and understanding the process of attracting what I want and need in life.  I am careful about who I allow in my presence, because it is important to maintain a certain level of energy in the work I do daily.  Keep watching because I will not stop until I have completed my assignments.

Be Excellent.Be you. Do you. Tell you own story. On your own terms.

Marriage Matters: What Marriage is Really Like (The Video)

I spent the last hour and a half having a dynamic conversation with some amazing women! We let our guard down and discussed the inner workings of a marriage and how we are dealing or have dealt with various issues in different stages of our relationship.  It was powerful to hear things about each other that we did not know.  It was powerful to hear how so much of our life has intersected at various points when we really didn’t even realize it.  We were vulnerable and we helped ourselves through our words and helped each other.  We went longer than I expected, but every moment was time well spent! Take a few moments to listen to various parts and share any feedback you may have! Marriage works, but it takes work.

Learning How to Love

I thought I knew what love was.  I do not even know what I thought, but I thought I knew something at every point of my life when I proclaimed to love someone.  As the years go by and I evolve each day, I realize that I know nothing about love and I have so much yet to learn.  Learning what love is and how to love is key to maintaining long-lasting relationships that surpass distance and time.

I have friends that I have known for years who are all very different, yet our relationships have withstood distance and time because we love each other.  Many of them were my first friends in college and we never let go of each others hands as we walked along our separate journeys.  Because we have been friends for so long, we eventually learned AND accepted how each person wanted or needed to be loved.

Some people need to be told that they are loved often, some people need that intimate connection, while others know the genuineness of your bond, and the only thing that matters is that you are present when needed.  Although we enter into intimate relationships with this knowledge, we make the road difficult by expecting love to be present and automatic.  Love is not a feeling, but the bond that is built between two people.

Looking back on my long-term friendships, I see that we did not love each other in the beginning like we love each other now.  We learned how each person wanted to be loved and learned to respect that persons love language over time.  As a wife I am learning that how I loved my husband year 1 may not be how my husband needs to be loved in year 4.  The most important thing is to allow your love to be fluid and encompass your partners current needs, instead of simply loving the same way because that is all you know.

Change is uncomfortable, but it is necessary for growth.  I am learning so much and accepting that I have so much to learn.  I won’t be the same person tomorrow as I was yesterday, because I am progressing in every area of my life, including learning how to love.

Love is our superpower.  Be you.  Do you.  Tell your own story.  On your own terms.

Top 30 Things I Love About Him

Happy 30th Birthday to my husband and hero.  Four years ago, no one could have told us this is where we would be, but it has been a beautiful struggle to get here.  We have accomplished so much and taken many steps toward our dreams! Today is your birthday but this year will be about making every moment count and memories that will last a life time.  Here is my ode to you.


I love him because:

  1. He is always honest.
  2. He reminds me to fulfill my promises.
  3. He always says I love you.
  4. He sends me sweet text through the day to remind me he is thinking of me.
  5. He works hard for our family.
  6. He seizes opportunities to advance his career.
  7. He never forgets a holiday or important moment. (I do…often. Too often.)
  8. He lets me put my cold feet on him.
  9. He eats all of my cooking, even when it’s not that great.
  10. He brings home my favorite things to surprise me. (Currently Talenti ice cream).
  11. He has taken my suggestions on improving his style and made it his own.
  12. He encourages me to fulfill my dreams.
  13. He never backs down when he thinks he is right.
  14. He will eventually admit to me that I was right.
  15. He defers to me on many issues that I feel passionately about.
  16. He is adventurous.
  17. He loves great food and explores many different cultural experiences.
  18. He loves his family.
  19. He has an amazing set of friends who have welcomed me with open arms and hearts.
  20. He will stay up late to put the clothes in the dryer.
  21. He makes me laugh, smile and cry tears of joy.
  22. He is passionate about his craft and does it well.
  23. He has given me the world.
  24. Simple things make him happy.
  25. He loves his namesake.
  26. He supports all of my crazy ideas.
  27. He prays with me and for me.
  28. We laugh at many of the same things…inside jokes for days.
  29. He tells me I am beautiful often.
  30. He chose me to be his life partner.

HAPPY 30th Birthday! This list could go on for days because you are all of this and much more.

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Quietly Married

 

 

 

 

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My husband and I have been married for over a year and a half and been together for over three and a half years.  I try to calculate how long we have been together over and over because it seems like so much longer.  I think that we both knew immediately that this was going to be forever.  Our “how we met” stories vary but our immediate attraction and chemistry has always been undisputed.  When we found out that we were expecting, it was a bit of a shock and took some time to adjust to but we both stepped up to the plate and decided to be the best parents we could be for our son.  We had always talked about being married and I expressed that I wanted to be married before our son was born, but I did not know if that was really going to happen.  Adam, being the man that he is, heard me and decided that we should be more than just boyfriend/girlfriend sooner than later.

He planned out a beautiful engagement which I of course shared with everyone via social media and we personally discussed our plans to marry.  Once we started to discuss getting married before the baby with our friends and family, we began to get a push back that we did not expect.  Our family and friends were rightfully concerned with our timeline and voiced their opinions to us.  When we discussed the push back and concerns with each other, we decided that we knew what was best for our family, so we decided to move forward with our plans quietly.

I was working for a judge that summer and shyly asked if she could marry us.  She responded enthusiastically and we planned for a late summer union.  We did not pick a date or publicize our wedding but our close friends were aware and a few decided that they had to be present.  I wanted to keep it as simple and quiet as possible.  I could not take much more excitement on top of being 8 months pregnant in the summer, new homeowners and now a newlywed.  After the ceremony, we had a small reception with the law clerks, my judge, her assistant and my friends.  Adam and I ventured to a far off land to indulge in breakfast at Cracker Barrel and continue with our regularly scheduled lives.

A friend that was present asked if I wanted to share the photos and I decided that I wanted to keep it quiet for a little while.  I did not want the negative commentary from anyone or have to explain why we decided to make that leap into foreverdom at that moment.  I was scarred from sharing my pregnancy news with some and receiving unsolicited advice that was contrary to a decision that I had already made.  I could not take the emotional stress of people’s judgment so I decided to keep it under wraps.  Some of the apprehension was the shock of being married but a lot of it was enjoying the peace of only a few people knowing.  When I started to refer to Adam as my husband, people began to ask questions.  I was always honest but I never addressed the issue across the board.  One day I decided to change my Facebook marital status (sounds silly saying it out loud).  A lot of people were shocked but most were congratulatory and seemingly genuine.  Despite sharing the news, I still never shared a picture.  So today, as I decided to be vulnerable and share my entire truth through my new blog, I decided today was a perfect time.

I am so happy with our decision.  It was the best decision we could have made and although that first year was rough, we are growing individually, as parents and as husband and wife.  This entire post is really a message to myself to live in my truth always and not retreat because of the fear of others opinions.  Be blessed. Be You. Tell your story.

Wisdom for Newlyweds/New Parents

Always pray together and things will be smoother.  Now is the test of your love and friendship will be strengthened because its no more me or I but we or us.  Be each others best friend and talk to each other not at each other.  Prayer works before any conference.  Be encouraged and love each other.